A Mother's Worst Nightmare
When my daughter was diagnosed with uterine cancer, I didn't handle it well. I have always been overprotective of my only living daughter, having lost two other daughters when they were infants, and this was one thing I couldn't protect her from. I felt helpless. Powerless.
My friend, Laurel, has spent the last few years dealing with breast cancer and her husband's terminal illness. When I told her about Maria's diagnosis, she told me that Psalm 91 has given her comfort. She reads it every day and uses it as a prayer. She urged me to give it a try.
When Emotions Take OverIntellectually, I knew that I should turn my worries over to God. I knew that He was in control. But, emotionally, I was a mess.
I had been able to turn it all over to God in the past, such as when my youngest daughter passed away. I knew I would go crazy if I tried to handle it all myself and so I willingly "let go and let God".
This time was different. Maybe because I'm older and have seen too many people suffer from the effects of cancer and, sometimes worse, the lasting effects of the chemotherapy and radiation. Maria was too young to have her long-term health jeopardized by the harsh treatments needed to conquer cancer.
Still, I figured if this chapter brought comfort to Laurel, with all she was going through, it wouldn't hurt for me to try reading it.
An Exercise in ReadingAt first, it was purely an impassive exercise. I was just reading the words and praying without feeling.
But, after some time, I realized that the words were starting to have meaning behind them. I really did trust God and believed that he was protecting me and, more importantly, Maria.
I began to worry less about the outcome. I knew that my precious daughter was protected by the Almighty and, no matter what the future held, it was going to be OK.
Channeling John WesleyMy transformation reminded me of John Wesley's journey through a loss of faith. Although my feelings weren't as extreme as his, I smiled when I realized that I was following in Wesley's footsteps in "fake it 'til you make it" style.
Don't Worry About AnythingAnd maybe that's all we can do sometimes. Let's face it. We'd all like to always have it together and fully trust in the Lord when we feel ambushed by life, but sometimes that's just not reality.
Not that we necessarily blame God for our misfortune, but there are times when our knee-jerk reaction is to become anxious and worried instead of leaning on Him for strength and guidance.
But Don't Beat Yourself Up If You DoIt's human nature to worry. I don't know why God made us that way, but we have to consciously make a choice to turn to God instead of our worry stones in times of stress. So, don't add to your anxiety and stress by finding fault.
Instead, do what you know God wants you to do, even if you don't feel it in your heart.
Last ThoughtsI am praying for you and your struggle. I know you can let go of the worry and give it all to our loving Father. Just take it one step at a time. 💖
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